If you follow my blog regularly then you have probably noticed I have been a bit MIA in the month of December. And I am sorry for that. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post my story or not but I feel like I want to share it with you girls. I feel like some of you will probably relate to my story and I hope some of you learn.
About three weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 and a half years. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and yet it has been the best decision I have ever made. We first started dating when I was 19. At 19 I had an idea of who I was but, at the same time I had so much to learn. And to be honest I was just excited that I had a guy who was really into me. He was pretty much my first everything. And I fell really hard for him. I remember about a month into dating we were sitting in Bryant Park and I just looked at him and knew I was going to love him. The first two and a half years of our relationship went really well. We hardly fought. There were things I found odd about him, like he never wanted to come meet my parents or friends. At the time I just left it alone since I knew he had some issues growing up. I just swept it under the rug. And let me say I swept a lot of things under the rug so we didn’t fight and he stayed happy. I remember the first time things came crumbling down. My Nana had passed away. She was one the most important things in my life. To me she was like a third parent and I never lost someone so close to me before. I wanted him to come to the wake or the funeral. It didn’t have to be both, just one or the other. Nope he wouldn’t come. It didn’t matter that I was crying on the phone to him, he just wouldn’t come. We got into a huge fight that almost landed us on a break. At the time I couldn’t imagine my life without him. My friends and family kept telling me that I deserved better. And at the time I didn’t believe them. I valued their opinion but, they didn’t know him like I did. Now that I look back I wonder how I stayed with him as long as I did. Not that he was or is a terrible person but I totally deserved better and I know that now. A quote comes to mind, you accept the love you think you deserve. And in my case that is so true. I was 19 and he was 28 when we started dating. I was just starting my journey and he was already on his. He knew what he wanted and I had no clue what I wanted. I am now 23 and know so much more about myself and what I want out of my life and the relationships in my life. My best friend asked me the other day if I was ready to start “dating” again and I told her yes. I know what I want now and I know what I deserve. I am not going to accept anything less. Yes, I know we only broke up three weeks ago but, I had been mentally checked out of the relationship for months. I was always looking for the right time to break up with him but, really there is never a good time to break up. I will never regret my relationship. I learned so much from him and I am so grateful for that. I also believe everything happens for a reason. I stayed with him for so long to learn how strong I really am and to know that I’m worth a whole lot more then I originally thought. I am very proud of myself for becoming who I am today. And I hope 2015 brings me a lot of joy and happiness.
And I want to thank everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts. You guys are the reason I keep this going and give me hope!
Happy New Years to you all !!