On a Personal Note {Relationships}

If you follow my blog regularly then you have probably noticed I have been a bit MIA in the month of December.  And I am sorry for that.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post my story or not but I feel like I want to share it with you girls.  I feel like some of you will probably relate to my story and I hope some of you learn.
About three weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 and a half years.  It has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and yet it has been the best decision I have ever made.  We first started dating when I was 19.  At 19 I had an idea of who I was but, at the same time I had so much to learn.  And to be honest I was just excited that I had a guy who was really into me.  He was pretty much my first everything.  And I fell really hard for him.  I remember about a month into dating we were sitting in Bryant Park and I just looked at him and knew I was going to love him.  The first two and a half years of our relationship went really well.  We hardly fought.  There were things I found odd about him, like he never wanted to come meet my parents or friends.  At the time I just left it alone since I knew he had some issues growing up.  I just swept it under the rug.  And let me say I swept a lot of things under the rug so we didn’t fight and he stayed happy.  I remember the first time things came crumbling down.  My Nana had passed away.  She was one the most important things in my life.  To me she was like a third parent and I never lost someone so close to me before.  I wanted him to come to the wake or the funeral.  It didn’t have to be both, just one or the other.  Nope he wouldn’t come.  It didn’t matter that I was crying on the phone to him, he just wouldn’t come.  We got into a huge fight that almost landed us on a break.  At the time I couldn’t imagine my life without him.  My friends and family kept telling me that I deserved better.  And at the time I didn’t believe them.  I valued their opinion but, they didn’t know him like I did.  Now that I look back I wonder how I stayed with him as long as I did.  Not that he was or is a terrible person but I totally deserved better and I know that now.  A quote comes to mind, you accept the love you think you deserve.  And in my case that is so true.  I was 19 and he was 28 when we started dating.  I was just starting my journey and he was already on his.  He knew what he wanted and I had no clue what I wanted.  I am now 23 and know so much more about myself and what I want out of my life and the relationships in my life.  My best friend asked me the other day if I was ready to start “dating” again and I told her yes.  I know what I want now and I know what I deserve.  I am not going to accept anything less.  Yes, I know we only broke up three weeks ago but, I had been mentally checked out of the relationship for months.  I was always looking for the right time to break up with him but, really there is never a good time to break up.  I will never regret my relationship.  I learned so much from him and I am so grateful for that.  I also believe everything happens for a reason.  I stayed with him for so long to learn how strong I really am and to know that I’m worth a whole lot more then I originally thought.  I am very proud of myself for becoming who I am today.  And I hope 2015 brings me a lot of joy and happiness.  
And I want to thank everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts.  You guys are the reason I keep this going and give me hope!  
Happy New Years to you all !!

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Maeve says:

    I don't know exactly what to say! I'm glad you feel like you're starting to see what you want out of life and hope that you get that satisfaction out of 2015! I can't imagine this being easy, but it sounds like you're on the right track!


  2. Thank you so much =)


  3. Thank you so much thats very sweet of you too say. I hope you have fabulous year as well!!


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